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What You Want

by Options

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  • Streaming + Download

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  • What You Want tape
    Cassette + Digital Album

    released by paco tapes in january of 2014

    Includes unlimited streaming of What You Want via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
i've been taking a break, oh what a waste. running circles for weeks, and now i'm hardly awake. the longer I wait, the more time it takes to formulate thoughts, do what I say my room is a mess, unlike my head - i've been sorting out problems and making more sense. It's warmer again, I'm using my pen to chronicle thoughts, tighten loose ends.
2.
Iceberg 02:15
Every morning, I believe that I need to change, but every night I wind up stuck in my old ways. My afternoons are always all the same, and when midnight rolls around, I'm the only place to blame. I haven't been able to sleep at night without feeling like I just wanna start a fight. Temper, temper, I know. I wish. But something inside is just about to give You're so shallow, I can see right through. I'll just laugh at all the shit you think you can pull. And I don't wanna wait around for things to change, But sometimes I am just my own weight. I keep blowing every chance I get, I'll wait too long and you'll find someone else instead. More than a little unconfident, I pick up steam, and hit that iceberg once again. I haven't been able to get in bed without wishing for some shit that's like a movie or in my head. And yeah, I am a little out of step, but it's way too hard to find that kind of depth.
3.
No Problem 02:09
in the water, I started to swim it was scary but i jumped right in. doing dives instead of sinking down to the bottom when it's shallow, I came up for air looked around and you're still there. It's relieving to know. I didn't mean for it to seem like maybe I was walking out again Please know that I I have no bad feelings or malicious intentions Miscommunication has no basis, and I'm trying to discern What we didn't mean to say, mistakes we make, and feelings to unlearn. I was frightened but I didn't yell i didn't know just what to tell myself like all of the hollow ships bottoming out A waste of space, a matter of time, I've no desire to rewind Moving forward, but still can look behind
4.
The Wire 01:03
coming close to the finish line adrenaline pumping one more time I'm at my peak when I'm down the line but now's the time to shine coming down to the wire again, the only time things are happening. sit on my ass, and I won't stop until my legs feel uptight and 'till the day has lost the light and I promise I'm doing alright waiting now for the kitchen sink to clean itself, I'm not doing a thing the pots and pans might not agree but they're not saying a thing.
5.
Horizon 02:01
the torrent is sweeping me out to the vast horizon unfortunately plain to see through the shrouded distance and when and when it comes to what it will i know what course to take? and when we grind to a halt, I'll hold on to no mistakes keep on searching for clarity, or honesty, or something worth remembering. keep on finding what I am not trying to seek - anything and everything. dried up, then soaked all again, this cycle's only resolved to repeat itself until all I can hear are the sobs. not acting quickly enough, tell me what I didn't know. It is a shame that all your surprises have gotten dull.
6.
I just think in shapes and patterns It's not all that complicated, but I never could do the math. It's not all that big a deal so I'll stand on this platform, and soon I'll be on my way I've been thinkin 'bout just not thinking at all I think it's time to let my guard fall Wait for your call Hoping that you won't shy away or stall I've been waiting instead of making a change, I'll look to you when I should find my own way. Winter wears me out, but it's nothing to worry about. I've been feeling like just another number in an endless queue of things to do
7.
Sleeping with the lights on, passed out on the couch. Waking up, my head felt like a sack of bricks, like a thousand pounds. Feeling like a picture doesn't take much time. Again, I discover everything I try to say gets convoluted anyway. When I try to retrace all my thoughts, pencilmarks fade. When I wanna discover where I've gone, It'll be late. Cause lately I haven't been sure of what I should, been sure I'm doing good.
8.
Well, I hope no one is gonna see this old thing, I almost hope it burns, forgotten. I don't think I can just brush it off. Things like this will stick here for a while. I need more time to define the divide To see the world, let my shoes get dusty, clean the spills and the stains. Now I'm making a way, I see what to do with myself. Come on now, where's my motivation? Gotta find what's worthwhile. Seems everyone's aboard someone else's tide.
9.
Grab It 01:39
you're ice cold, sure told me so. and I can't say what my mind holds. sense of wonder permeates my headspace. not enough strength to hold up the roof. or the crumbling walls, or the rotted out door; foundations unstable. and the light, oh the flickering beam. soon amongst all the burn outs, the heaps of dreams of being something. never doubt myself and all the qualities in which I lack appeal at all. tear through drawers but it's just no use. And I've had enough time to settle with my means. come to terms with the feel of owning misgivings. I'm the dust that sparkles in the sun from the afternoon clouds. all the opportunities in the world could fall right into my lap, and a boosted ego's of no use when I'm fevered in my cabin. all the blue in the sky could pass me and i wouldn't even grab it.
10.
Lesson 01:41
The most important lesson I've learned is that nothing's worth fighting for. Maybe it seems absurd, but my heart's finally hit the floor. Motivationally dependent on something more. I hear what you say, but I can't listen anymore. I wish I could make something honest out of this instead of sinking into shallows and balling fists. I'm only trying to smile, but instead, I am getting pissed. Listless in bigger increments. It'd be nice to keep my calm, sing along to the melodies in my head, but they're a chorus of shrieks.
11.
In Time Out 01:02
if you'd like to take a while, listen to the motions of dust, the particles that sound when we're still here. given, I might rather fly freely through the windy breeze, sail over the open seas and find us out. not in time, not out. only more. the fine line you've drawn has been pulled out from under you.
12.
it's freezing my hands are cold and cracked now. I forgot the words that'll make me come around. where is the productivity exalted? it's obvious I've worked my fingers till exhausted. It's hard to get out of this.  feeling a long storm brewing. sad sack full of bliss keeping the long dream running call it what you want, it wont be enough.
13.
Stranger 02:07
I've fallen down, surprise, but picked myself up again. trial by choice, trial by fire. it's time to find a way to push though the thick and then come out alive, refreshing reminder done right takes time, I've learned. I haven't been giving in. holding my breath, pauses extended. high time to ride, to get my head in the game again the weeks are all blurred, so take off my blinders. but I know well, how to sell myself too short, how to pre-empt all the words that matter. (heart says too much) you take your time, while I batter down the door, while I move on, still unsure as ever. (blindfold back on)
14.
Enough 02:44
In letting go, I've reaffirmed again, restated I've come to know that cutting ties is overrated. some months ago, too busy getting all too lazy in thought, I knew i've got to run instead of standing still never enough, ever enough times that i've stuck up for our love. got to give up habits that stuck. i'll write it off, use what I've got. I reawoke, or thought I did, but who's to say it? written in ink, in that black book, signed up and dated. 5 years ago I never thought that I would make it but now I'm sure I'll do what I will do until I keel. got to own up; ought to grow up. but in what world, a hollowed out trunk ? could I come up with better luck? probably not, - love what I've got.
15.
Building 02:43
Philly's filling me up and I'm giving a fuck about the days to come. Sitting down on my luck , deep down in a rut, but I'm praying those days are done. Feeling too often stuck, like a stick in the mud, in the oceans of cold. Lately been wondering why, always delaying goodbyes, but I'll weigh in when phased to stun. I want what I need and I need some relief, and if you could just see, I'd get what I need. I've got lots to work out, to shatter my doubts, dehydrate those clouds always hanging over me. I know you believe in some of the things that I can achieve, but all I care about right now is building something for me.
16.
Setup 01:09
maybe jealousy has my number maybe I'm too gone too care tell myself nothing is a bother, but I see you there. indifference is just so appealing falling for all the traps life set. giving into all the feelings trapped in my head take it too far, knowing my limitations you're so goddamn smart, know you could take it elsewhere. sit by myself, reflect on all my failures setting it up, breaking it down.
17.
You think it doesn't matter, and I'll just say whatever, but it does make me feel an awful lot. more than i need to be dealing with right now, but so it goes (and it goes too often). give me a minute to cool down now, I'm fogging up my lenses. I'm trying to understand your thoughts, they don't really add up. still i'd like to make sense of the mess I've made. everything goes the way it will, and I can't change whatever. so it'll go. I'm losing consciousness and drifting to my destination. Okay. I'll remain. Unsafe to sustain. I've realized that truthfullness ties in with everything). I'll sleep but not enough, never enough to call your bluff. I'm not content with killing useful time. Can't tell if what I'm saying's getting through or lost on you. Do you care? Does it still matter? Do you even hear me?

credits

released July 11, 2013

All songs written, played, and mixed by Seth Engel
Mastered by Adam Salsberg
Cover art by Seth Engel
Recorded 12/2012 - 6/2013 at The Owlery by Seth Engel
Additional vocals by Seth Engel and Adam Salsberg
Additional recording at The Owlery by Adam Salsberg.

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Options Chicago

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for tracking/mixing/mastering, email sethengel.musicguy at gmail

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